It's a yellow world (Jack and the Simpsons)
by DieAstra
Summary: Jack is pulled into his favourite TV-Show "The Simpsons". Sam, Daniel and Teal'c desperately try to get him out… Many thanks to Lothithil for the beta!
1. Chapter 1

It's A Yellow World (Jack and "The Simpsons")

Friday evening. Jack sighed, relieved to be sitting in his favourite recliner and opening a bottle of beer. After a few days "offworld" it was nice to be back in his familiar surroundings. He held the bottle as always with just two of his fingers, as he fished for the remote with his other hand. He always remembered to program the VCR to record his favourite program after that incident in Antarctica.

He pressed "play" and the familiar melody came to him. By the time the cloud with the title "The Simpsons" appeared, he already had an expectant grin on his face. During the rest of the credits he thought about why he liked this television series so much. When it had started in the early Nineties he had watched it together with Charlie. When he had been at home, anyway. That had been their little ritual. Charlie just like other kids liked Bart's tricks and Homer's misfortunes, but Jack always had seen more than that in it. By using humor (or Homer?) the writers could present some truths that were often not shown on TV. If he only could make that clear to Carter he was sure that she would like the series as much as he did.

After Charlie's death and his divorce from Sara, he wasn't up to watching the series for a long time. The emphasis on family life reminded him that he no longer had one. But as his interest in life came back, his cryptic sense of humour returned as well and he started to tape the episodes.

He settled back to watch the weekly episode. Meanwhile outside it became dark and a storm began to rage. But inside in front of the blazing fireplace, it was warm and comfortable. Jack slowly relaxed. All the tension of the past week fell away and he began to look forward to the weekend.

When he went to the kitchen to get a second beer the thunderstorm definitely caught his attention. The storm had increased and raindrops pelted against the windows. Lightning flashed from dark clouds and the time between strikes became shorter and shorter. Jack thought about turning off the TV.

But maybe he could finish the episode at least. He just wanted to know how it would end. Kawummm! Jack flinched. That was close! Now his decision was made. With a last regretful glance at the screen he got up to switch it off. When he touched it he felt a big surge of energy through his arm. He was unconscious when he hit the floor.

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Sam sat comfortably at the table with a cup of coffee, a croissant and the morning paper intent on enjoying the Saturday morning when the telephone rang. She remained seated waiting for the answering machine to pick up. But as soon as she heard Daniel's excited voice she immediately grabbed the receiver.

„Sam, finally, I need your help!", was sputtered into her ear.

„Take it easy, Daniel, what's the matter?"

Daniel took one deep breath and then continued more calmly. „I can't get Jack on the phone. We were supposed to do hike in the mountains this weekend. I wanted to call to ask if we should cancel it after the thunderstorm last night. I'm sure the trails will be slippery. Actually I waited for him to call, you know how seriously he takes safety!"

Sam nodded. When she remembered that Daniel couldn't see her she said, „Maybe he is only getting some groceries or taking out the garbage?"

„Sam, I tried for almost an hour! There is something wrong! Call me paranoid, but I think we need to go over there! I know where he keeps his spare key but I don't want to go alone. There could be… people in his house."

Sam understood what he wanted to tell her. It was nothing they should be discussing over a public line. When someone like Jack was involved it was always important to be careful.

„Okay", she said. „We will meet in front of his house in…", she looked at her watch, "…half an hour."

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An impatient Daniel waited for Sam to arrive. As she took up her position on the other side of the door, he saw her release the safety on her gun. Then she nodded to him to open it.

For a split second Daniel wondered if they should have informed  
Hammond and brought some backup with. But on the other hand, if Jack was just sleeping in, they'd end up looking pretty foolish. Not to mention how pissed Jack would be at them. No, they were doing the right thing by looking for him on their own first he decided.

Cautiously they went through the hall, taking advantage of all available cover. All was quiet. "Sir?", Sam called. „Are you here? There was no answer. Sam quickly searched the other rooms. She began to worry. It was late and Jack usually was an early riser. Especially if he had planned to go hiking.

She hesitatingly opened the bedroom door. She felt like she was intruding. Nothing. The bed looked like it hadn't been slept in. She went back to where Daniel was waiting.

„Whatever happened, happened yesterday evening. The bed is still made and there's leftover food and two empty beer bottles in the living room."

Daniel couldn't help feeling anxious. "What should we do?" he asked.

„I think we need to inform General Hammond!"

They returned to the living room and in a last attempt to understand what had happened, gave it a thorough once-over. Yet everything seemed as it should be, there was no indication of a struggle. Jack had obviously watched "The Simpsons" just like every Friday night. In fact the TV and VCR were still on.

Sam sighed and was about to switch them off. She paused. That was odd. No tape was longer than six hours. And on top of that something about the figure on the screen looked familiar. A man was lying at the street, motionless, and yet… She did not know exactly what it was. Maybe her mind was playing a trick on her?

At that moment a street sweeper came down the street and the man on the sidewalk got wet from the overspray. Sam saw with astonishment how the man stirred, then placed an arm over his eyes, turned on his side and curled. All of these movements she had seen countless times before when Colonel O'Neill regained consciousness.

„Daniel", she said. Then a little louder, „Daniel!" He turned and came next to her. Speechlessly they watched a man with yellow skin, grey hair, and table-tennis-ball eyes with an unmistakable stagger.

Then they looked at each other. They had found Jack.

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Jack moaned and tried to figure out where he was. The surface under him felt hard and cold. So it wasn't a soft bed, wasn't the infirmary. He didn't know yet whether that was good or bad. In any case he was wet. Did he fell asleep in the shower again? Carefully he opened his eyes and saw the blue sky. No shower then. A street. How the hell had he gotten he get here? The last thing he remembered was sitting in his recliner at home. Did he have one beer too many and end up spending the night in the street? That could have happened some years back, but certainly not now.

He sat up slowly. The houses looked unfamiliar, but looked like the homes in a typical small American town. Well, sitting here any longer made no sense. If he wanted to get home he had to find someone who could tell him where he actually was.

As Jack went down the street he noticed something odd. Though the sun shone brightly in the sky, he cast no shadow. Did that mean that he now was a vampire or what? His head began to throb.

There were few people on the street which Jack attributed to the early morning hour. Jack looked for someone who could help him. A yellow-faced woman with lilac hair came toward him. Obviously she had bought groceries. She looked somehow familiar but he did not remember where he might have seen her before. But before he was close enough to ask her, she dropped her sacks and yelled so loud that someone could have heard it 3 miles away. "MACGYVER!" Then this crazy woman headed straight for him.

Surely she wasn't talking to him. He turned around to make certain there was no one behind him. When he turned back, she was standing right in front of him.

"Are you talking to me?" he asked. "Because my name is…"

„Oh, sorry!" the woman with the very prominent upper jaw said. She continued, "Of course I do know that your name actually is Richard Dean ANDERSON!" The last part of the name she again yelled out loudly. Jack sighed. Of all the people he could have met, why did it have to be this crazy woman?

Nevertheless he tried again, „No, I don't know anyone by that name. I'm Colonel Jack O'Neill and I somehow… well, got lost. Could you please tell me if this is still Colorado Springs?"

„You aren't?", she asked disappointedly. "But you sure look like him! – Colorado Springs? I never heard of that before. No, this lovely town is called –"

At that moment Jack noticed the familiar towers of the atomic power plant. Now he knew where he was.

He completed her sentence, "…Springfield".

D'oh!

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Sam and Daniel had listened in silence. If they had doubts before, now they were gone. It was certain: Jack O'Neill had become a cartoon figure!

Daniel shook off the numbness. „What do we do now?" He looked to Sam for help.

She didn't think for long before responding, "We'll find a way of getting him out of there. If you'll call the General and let him know what's happened up to this point, I'll do some investigation."

She went over to the table where a laptop laid. Although she had never seen it before, she wasn't surprised that Jack had one. It hadn't taken her long to see right through Jack O'Neill. She knew exactly when he was faking his slow uptake and when she was talking over his head with astrophysics.

He wasn't as dumb as he wanted to let others think. One didn't make it to Colonel without some smarts and it offended her somewhat that he continued to play the role for her, Daniel and Teal'c as well. Obviously he always hid the telltale computer when they visited him.

But there it sat, waiting for her to start. While Daniel was on the phone with Hammond, she considered "googling" "The Simpsons". Instinctively she knew that only the writers of the show would be able to help Jack.

First try, „The Simpsons". Well, maybe not a good idea. Obviously she underestimated the fascination with this series. The search engine had a lot of results; there were a lot of creative fans out there. But at least some of the web pages had facts for her so now she could look for names like Matt Groening, James L. Brooks and Sam Simon. She needed a town, an address, something.

Daniel was still on the phone with Hammond. Now he held his hand over the receiver and asked, "General Hammond wants to know how he can help us!"

„Just a minute!" Impatiently Sam waited for the page to load. Finally, the address of the production place.

„We have to go to Los Angeles!", she called to him and heard Daniel repeat it for the General, "Yes, we need a flight to Los Angeles as soon as possible."

As Daniel turned, he caught sight of Sam closing the lap-top and reaching for the television.

„Wait, don't turn it off!"

Sam froze in the middle of the movement and then drew back her finger cautiously as Daniel said, "General, could you please send Teal'c over here? We need someone to stay with Jack. Well, thank you. We'll call again when we know more."

Then he replaced the receiver and looked at Sam. "The television is the only connection to Jack at the moment", he told her tiredly. "Maybe we'll lose him if we switch it off."

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„I'm Selma", the woman with the lilac hair explained, somewhat belatedly. "Selma Bouvier. Actually Selma Bouvier-Terwilliger-McClure, but who counts the husbands anyway?"

Jack held back his ‚I know' and said absent-mindedly „Nice to meet you." His head swam. He couldn't think straight. How had he gotten himself in such a mess? While he might have yearned to visit the world of the Simpsons, he certainly didn't intend to make it home.

Selma apparently wasn't bothered by his lack of conversation. She prattled on, "You poor man, you're all wet. It will be the best when you come with me. I still have some clothes from Troy McClure. He conned me into a sham marriage and I should have get rid of them long ago. But they sure look like your size and you need something dry to put on!"

So she babbled on and on and pulled Jack to her car. The promise of dry clothes had convinced him so he came along. But deep down he had the suspicion that Selma did not believe him and still saw this guy – Richard what's his name? – in him. But she wanted to help him and that was all that mattered at the moment.

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Sam got herself coffee from the board-kitchen and took another one for Daniel. They were in a military airplane on their way to Los Angeles. Now when they found time to think over the whole situation for the first time, they realised how difficult it could be.

Daniel watched her over the rim of his cup. "And we will be able to help Jack exactly how?"

Sam thoughtfully stirred her coffee and shrugged. "Honestly? I don't know, Daniel. I'm familiar with natural laws. Something like this shouldn't happen, but it did!"

Daniel thought about her last sentence. It reminded him of something. When was the last time that events seemed to make no sense at all? Suddenly his face brightened.

„I think I have an idea! Isn't this just like virtual reality? All we had to do back then was to go through a door. Hidden exits were everywhere, we just didn't know it."

„And Jack has no idea that he has to find such an exit", Sam completed his thought. "So we need a gate, a door, something like…"

„But we do have a gate!", Daniel interrupted excitedly. He got out his notebook and opened to a drawing of the Stargate.

Sam looked at him questioningly. "We can't reveal anything about the Stargate, that's for sure."

„What about that fact we're military? Can we tell that? Maybe then they'll be more cooperative?"

„I think a little back up from the general surely can't hurt. On the other hand it shouldn't go too public, it would be just what some people would want, to have a USAF colonel go missing."

Daniel nodded, he knew the person she meant: Kinsey.

„Nevertheless", he said slowly. „I think it is necessary that we show them this." His index finger traced the curves of the gate almost lovingly.

„Of course I have no idea if it will work", he continued. "There is no Stargate in Springfield. So we must convince the illustrator to draw one. We don't have to tell them what it is exactly. They draw it, Jack goes through it, and that will be that!"

He looked hopefully at Sam. She watched him amazed. "That really could work! How did you get this weird idea, Daniel?"

He smiled self-consciously. "Well, as a child I used to watched a cartoon series, I don't remember what the name of it was. But there was a little boy, pretty smart, that always invented crazy things. He had a magic drawing pen. Every time he needed something to solve a problem he only had to draw it onto the wall and it became real. Do you understand?"

Sam watched him with wonderment. And they say you can't learn anything from cartoon series!

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To be continued in part 2/4


	2. Chapter 2

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Selma had given Jack a few clothes and then left him alone. While he changed he had to think about this MacGyver-Richard Dean Anderson-confusion. How could two men walk around with a face that looked like his? What a bunch of bullshit!

The term „to macgyver" he knew of course, even Carter had used it a few times, the first time on Abydos. Another time she had shown him with great pleasure that in the official Air Force instruction manual it was written literally that in case of repair without the necessary tools, you have to 'macgyver' it.

Back in the eighties when the show aired, Jack went from one clandestine operation to the other and the little time he had at home he spent with his family instead of watching TV. So he never had a chance to watch this strange guy for himself. But he suspected that Carter had watched it with enthusiasm, and maybe her unconventional solutions of problems were a late off-shoot of that.

While Jack thought about this he changed and then looked resignedly at the door. Finally he took a deep breath and then went toward the kitchen where he heard voices. When he walked in he suddenly saw double. Selma was there twice. Surely he had not drunk that much yesterday that he was having hallucinations? Or maybe he had another head injury and these were the signs of a concussion?

But the confusion didn't last long. Looking more closely he could see the differences. The dress of the other one was red instead of blue, and she also had a different hairdo. But other than that, they looked like …

„This is my twin-sister Patty", Selma said.

…like twins. Yep. This would be Patty of course. He should've known it. Where one was, the other was not far away. They were a pair. And both of them were wild about… No! Not that too! Jack moaned inwardly.

Patty held a cigarette in her hand and with the other she waved to him a little suggestively, or so it seemed to him. Somehow he began to feel uneasy. Selma also beamed at him. Obviously she still didn't believe that he was not the man she thought he was. Probably they wanted an autograph from him later on…

„And this is…", Selma continued and looked at him questioningly. "Excuse me, what was the name?"

Jack sighed. „Colonel O'Neill", he then said. "Ah, may I call someone?"

„Certainly. The phone is in the living room", both of them said in unison. That really scared him. Quickly he disappeared into the living room and dialed the emergency number of Cheyenne mountain. A young sergeant identified himself. Jack didn't give him time to say anything else.

„Colonel O'Neill, service number 66-789-7876-324, I need to speak with General Hammond!", he demanded. He continued to monitor the discussion that was going on in the kitchen.

„Colonel O'Neill, service number 66-789-7876-324!", he repeated, a little louder this time. "What do you mean, I'm not authorized?"

But he only received a repeated „You are not authorized to use this number. Get off the line!" from the sergeant. Finally he hung up, somewhat frustrated.

As he made his way back to the kitchen he couldn't help overhearing the dispute.

„And I'm sure it is him!" That was Selma.

Then the little deeper smoky voice of Patty, "I have to get to know him first before I can be sure!"

„You only want him for yourself!", Selma hissed back.

„We always shared everything, why not this time?"

Patty made no reply.

Jack didn't wait for the end of the discussion but made a rush for the door.

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Sam looked at her note and then a little uncertainly at the building in front of them. They were in the middle of Hollywood, and according to the address this should be the animating studio. But it looked more like an apartment house rather than a business. Daniel nodded to her encouragingly and resolutely she pressed the button of the intercom.

„Who's out there?" a distorted voice asked. Sam took a deep breath. She couldn't screw this up. If this man got the impression that they were just ordinary fans the door would remain closed to them.

„I'm Major Samantha Carter of the United States Air Force. We need to speak with…," she looked at her note again, "… Matt Groening. It's really important!"

For a moment there was silence at the other end of the line and she was afraid that her request had been refused, when the door buzzed and opened. She took a deep breath, let Daniel go first and then followed him into the building. A man came towards them. Sam eyed him briefly: glasses, dark curly hair, with a sympathetic appearance.

„Matt Groening?" she asked expectantly.

"No, I'm Al Jean, one of the writers of the show. How may I help you?"

„Major Samantha Carter, and this is Dr. Daniel Jackson. Sorry, but we rather would discuss this with Mr. Groening. It's a little… complicated." Hopefully she looked at the man and waited for his response.

He watched her for a moment. Obviously he tried to decide whether this was an attempt of some crazy fans to get into the hallowed halls. But something in her eyes seemed to tell him that she was telling the truth.

„Well, then follow me, please. I'll bring you to Matt's office." With that he turned and led the way. They passed a few rooms and could see through big windows how the animators worked.

Finally they stood before a door. Al knocked briefly and looked into the room. "Matt, do you have a moment? These two want to talk with you."

An inarticulate grunt was the only response. Al opened the door a little further and shoved Sam and Daniel into the room. Behind a large desk sat a man that also wore glasses and sported a neatly trimmed beard that was beginning to gray Still he looked astonishing young. The whole office existed in creative chaos and even if that didn't quite correspond with Sam's idea of organization – she immediately had confidence that Matt would be able to help them.

He looked at her expectantly, but didn't lay the pencil he was holding down.

"I'm Major Samantha Carter", she introduced herself for the third time now. "This is Dr. Daniel Jackson. We come from a military facility of the United States Air Force in Colorado Springs and we need your help. It involves national security."

She never thought that she would ever use that phrase someday. But it seemed to work. At least she had his rapt attention now. He waved them to sit down and waited for her to continue.

„I don't know exactly how to explain it. Are you familiar with the movie, "Pleasantville?" she asked.

Matt and Al nodded simultaneously.

„Well, ah, one of our officers got, ah, just like in the movie, sucked into the TV. It happened during a Simpson's episode."

Now she had said it. How would they react? It really sounded silly. Maybe they should have had someone like the President use some of his influence here. But it was too late now.

Daniel jumped in. "I know how that sounds, but it is the truth. We saw him on the screen. And you are the only one that can help us bring Colonel O'Neill back. Please listen to Major Carter's suggestion."

Matt and Al looked at each other, speechless. This had to be the craziest thing they ever heard of. On the other hand, how many crazy stories they had thought up for their yellow family? And now one was happening right under their noses.

„What's with national security? ", Matt wanted to know.

„It's classified", Sam said automatically. Then she tried to explain, "Colonel O'Neill is very important to our program. We need to have him back. And you have to believe me; you really don't want to have him wander around for a long time without any control. He tends to… muddle up things."

Daniel grinned briefly at her last sentence but quickly got serious again. At least Matt seemed to be convinced now.

„Okay", he said, „what do I have to do?"

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Jack was relieved when he finally stood outside the door. He had felt a little bad that he just left without saying 'Thank you' – and wearing the clothes of another man – but he just couldn't stay any longer.

He had wadded up his own wet clothes and carried them under his arm. Maybe there would be an opportunity to send the other clothes back.

He looked up and down the street indecisively. Finally he just started to walk. The street was empty and hopefully he would not encounter another attack by lunatic fans of this Dean Anderson character.

Somewhere ahead of him, the peace and quiet was broken as he heard someone loudly curse. When he turned round the corner he only saw a tower of blue hair behind a car. Well, who that hair belonged to was obvious to him. There was only one person in Springfield with hair-dye number 56.

Marge Simpson was a clever woman that had tried many things during the seasons. She had worked on a few committees and tried a lot of different jobs. Obviously car-mechanic hadn't been among them.

Slowly he strolled over. He didn't want to startle her. When he was standing right next to her, she looked up at him.

„May I help you... ma'am?" he hesitantly asked. He remembered a second too late that the crazy twins were Marge's sisters… But it was too late now. She took his offer, and appeared to be relieved.

So he rolled up his sleeves, opened the hood and then froze. He did not know exactly what he had expected but in any case not THIS. He had expected hoses, a radiator, a lot of cables that wound around each other, or at least an engine… was it too much to ask for an engine in a car? But the compartment was completely empty.

Of course there was no engine. Why should there be one? He was in a cartoon-world after all. Why should the animators draw something you never got to see anyway? The cars ran just fine without it. Well, most of the time.

Trying to fix something that didn't exist put an entirely different complexion on the matter. He slammed the hood down and hoped that Marge hadn't seen his helpless expression.

"Have you tried putting the key into the ignition and turning it?" he asked and immediately hated himself for it after he saw Marge's look. He compared it with Carter's expression that communicated, "I know what I'm doing, don't doubt me because I'm a woman!"

But she went ahead and turned the key another time, Jack sent a fast prayer towards heaven and behold, the car started. That was the first time that his presence had positive effects on machines. Usually Carter's reactors started wildly to blink even when he still was a couple of yards away, at which point she politely requested that he go and annoy someone else.

No, of course she would never put it that way, but he and machines just did not get along very well.

But Marge beamed and said, „Thank you very much for your help!" Somehow it sounded a little sarcastic, although he probably deserved it. So he just shrugged, uttered "You're welcome" and started to walk away.

But Marge called after him, „Can I drive you somewhere?"

Jack hesitated. He would love to get to know her, her and Homer and the whole family, but should he really do this? Who knew what kind of trouble he could bring to them? To hurt them was the last he wanted. They were happy in their small world, they didn't know that there was anything else beyond it. And it needed to stay that way

They must never find out where he came from and that he knew all about them, maybe better than they knew themselves.

After Jack had given this promise to himself he got into the car – that at least had a steering wheel, if not an engine - and considered what he should tell her instead.

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Sam watched with growing impatience as Matt wadded up yet another sheet of paper and tossed it in the general vicinity of the waste basket. Time was passing quickly, it had gotten dark already.

„Look, Sam", Matt said without looking up from his sixth try. During the passing afternoon they had come to be on a first name basis. "It's not as easy as it looks. I must not draw too many details, but on the other hand it also must be recognizable. I need to configure the essential details with a few lines, that's the point."

While Matt continued to work at a cartoon version of a Stargate under the watchful eye of a fascinated Daniel, Sam opened her mobile phone.

„Hi, Teal'c, it's Sam. What's the colonel doing right now?"

„O'Neill is sitting with LisaSimpson in a tree-house and looking at the stars, MajorCarter."

Sam closed her eyes for a moment, somehow relieved. For now. O'Neill was seeming to enjoy his unusual predicament.

„Listen, Teal'c. He can't leave the town. Call me immediately in case you notice anything like that. We only can help him if he stays close by, understood?"

„Understood, MajorCarter. Good night."

„Good night, Teal'c." She hung up and turned to the others. She suddenly saw how exhausted they all looked. It had been a long day. A sprint had turned into a marathon and there was no way to tell how much longer it was going to take.

„We should take a break. Daniel, what do you think?"

He obviously hadn't heard the question at all. Frowning, he asked her instead, "Why can't Jack leave the city?"

Matt also looked up. "Yeah, why? What's the matter if he is somewhere else as long as I can draw him anything he might need?"

„But that's exactly the point", Sam answered patiently. "As long as we know where he is we can direct him to go where we want him to go. Your central characters are the Simpsons. Everyone else has a supporting role and are seen only occasionally, correct?"

Matt nodded.

„I could be wrong but when someone that is less than a supporting character or in this case, shouldn't be there at all disappears, we really never know where they went since the focus is on the town, with the Simpsons in the middle. Or, let me put it this way: Like a surveillance camera that only is focused on one room and only is transmitting what is happening there. We never see what's happening in the next room. Maybe we really need to end this for today."

„I really don't know Sam, are you sure?" Daniel asked indecisively, looking back and forth between her and Matt. Al was already asleep in a chair in one corner of the room.

Sam was thinking about something that O'Neill had said to her, back in Antarctica. She had thought he was about to give up when he insisted on a few hours of sleep. Now she knew better. Jack O'Neill never gave up. And she would not do so either. But if she made a mistake just because of fatigue it wouldn't help him at all.

„It seems that Colonel O'Neill will spend this night with the Simpsons. For the moment he is safe, and I think some sleep will do all of us some good. And T will stay with him all night and inform us immediately if necessary."

"There is a little motel a few blocks down the street, if you need a place to stay", Matt said without looking up. "I will just finish this last attempt here and tomorrow we will see if it's working." He might never admit it out loud, but Matt was almost as interested as Sam and Daniel in whether or not this was going to work.

Sam and Daniel bid their farewells, and then Matt was alone with the snoring Al. His fingers passed over the ring with the weird symbols. He really wanted to know what this all was about.

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To be continued in chapter 3/4


	3. Chapter 3

Colonel O'Neill looked up into the sky full of stars and took a deep breath. Wherever he was in the world, in whatever mess he was stuck right at the time – when he looked up into the sky he always got calm. All of his problems felt so small considering this infinite wideness. He was just a grain of sand in the universe, nothing more.

But today he did not recognize any of the familiar constellations. Obviously the animators had not put too much work into them and had merely dotted a few random points in the sky. But what the hell, stars were stars. When he was at another planet and stared up into the sky at night they also looked strange after all.

He reflected on his day. Though it had started really weird, it also had had a few nice times. He had told Marge that he somehow had got lost and did not know how to get back home. She offered to let him stay with her family for a few days

They had had a nice morning, before the kids came home from school and the squabbling began. But that was part of what Jack enjoyed about the Simpsons; their lives were lively and loud and brightly colored. His own life, outside of work, was sometimes too quiet and empty.

Jack managed to successfully negotiate an end to the raging argument between Lisa and Bart. Afterward, he played football with the boy. It made him feel younger than he had felt in years.

That evening, Homer had taken him with him to Moe's Tavern, and later they went bowling with Carl and Lenny. Jack managed to get a strike in the seventh frame, and he bought a round of Duff-beer for everyone. The stuff didn't taste bad at all, and Homer didn't need to know that Marge had given Jack the money. He hadn't found anything in his pockets, and even if he had brought his credit card with him he somehow doubted that it would work here.

Now, after a day full of people and voices, Jack sought peace with his old friends, the stars. He was not alone in the tree-house. Lisa sat next to him. She was unusually silent for a little girl. Actually he thought that she was way too serious for her age. That was maybe the reason why she reminded him of Carter.

For a long time they only sat together in silence. Suddenly Lisa announced, "When I'm grown-up I want to fly to the stars."

The abrupt sound of her voice made Jack wince. Lisa continued, "I want to do so much, when I'm grown-up. I want to stop people fighting each other. I want to invent something important that will change the world for the better. I want to help heal and preserve the Earth. I can't wait until I get to go to college!"

Why did she tell this all him of all people? Jack wondered. Didn't she have someone to discuss such things with? Then he remembered the episode where she had some girls from high-school for friends. She had been so happy to finally have friends who understood her. But at the end they had laughed at her, as always.

He was glad that it was dark and she wasn't able to see his face. He swallowed the lump in his throat. Because he knew she never would get older than eight and only attend the second grade forever. Cartoon people never got older… and cartoon children never grew up. But he had no right to tell her the truth and take her hopes and dreams.

„You can achieve everything you want," he said belatedly and then grimaced. He remembered having a similar talk with Charlie after his son had said that he wanted to become a famous baseball-player. Jack himself had once wished to become a professional hockey player in his youth and so he hadn't tried to talk him out of it. 'If you really want it and are prepared to work hard for it then you can make it', he had encouraged his son.

Rather than lie to Lisa - something he wasn't sure he could do convincingly - he got up and said, "It's late, we should go to bed". He helped Lisa climbing down the tree.

%%%%%

The next morning Jack tried not to get distracted by the unnatural color of his face while he was shaving. He had gotten accustomed to the fact that all of the others looked as if they had jaundice. But to see himself that way in the mirror was a little – weird. He continued to wash the face of the stranger in the mirror and finished getting ready. He headed downstairs to see that Marge was making pancakes and the house smelled of eggs and ham.

The whole family was already seated at the table and Jack caught himself thinking that it would be nice to have breakfast every day with others around. At home he didn't take much time and only quickly drank a cup of coffee. Now he suddenly realized how much the second breakfast in the cafeteria at the Cheyenne Mountain meant to him. Together with Carter, Daniel and Teal'c. They were his family. He suddenly felt very homesick.

He sat across from Bart who was eating pancake after pancake. Jack felt a little sick just watching him. He nodded thankfully when two of the sweet smelling yellow things landed at his plate and started to eat. Between mouthfuls he informed Homer of the decision he had made as he lay awake thinking in the night.

„I'll go to Colorado Springs today. There is a bus at 11 AM at the bus station. I can't stay with you forever."

Lisa looked up from her bowl of cereal. "May we go with him, dad? Please!"

Marge brought the last of the pancakes and took her place at the table.

„Oh yeah, Homie, I'd like to see the new bus station. Let's all go together!"

„If you want," Homer answered, distractedly. He was far more interested in his bacon right now.

Bart thought about whether or not a trip with the whole family would be not cool for a boy in his age, but then decided to come with them. Maybe there would be an opportunity for some pranks along the way. But before that he wanted another pancake!

%%%%%

Sam and Daniel looked on with growing excitement as they examined the illustration that Matt had produced. In the middle of a clearing in a wooded area, a cartoonish Stargate stood. They had told Matt to put it at an isolated place but they never had imagined how picturesqueit would look in the end.

„Very nice," Daniel finally said. "Now all Jack needs is a DHD."

„A What?" Matt asked, appearing confused as he looked back and forth between Sam and Daniel.

„Uh, something like… that." Daniel had gotten a warning glance from Sam and hurriedly leafed through his note book till he found a page with the drawing of a DHD. He flipped the book around for Matt to examine.

Matt sighed when he took a look at the picture. "I can't do it. Too many details. I don't have enough space for all these symbols. No way."

„But…," Daniel began to stutter a protest, but Matt hadn't finished yet.

„Did you never notice that every cartoon figure only has four instead of five fingers? It's just easier to animate. We will have to confine to a few symbols. That's all I can do for you."

Daniel weighted whether or not a few symbols less would make a difference.

„Fine," he finally said. He flipped to a clean sheet and began sketching. "At least these seven MUST be represented."

He showed Matt the six symbols that were the address for Earth. He thought for a few seconds before he delineatedthe last and sevenths symbol; it looked like an S. S as in Springfield.

The weight of responsibility weighed suddenly and heavily on Sam Carter's conscience. Every time they went through the gate, they had to be careful about every detail so as not to bring unexpected effects upon the life of the worlds that they visited. Every line that they were drawing could conceivably change the lives of every character in Springfield. They had to be careful not to mix up things too much. They owed that to the people living here.

When Matt started to draw again Sam's mobile phone began to ring. She looked at the display and saw Teal'c's number. She answered the telephone with trepidation and put him on speaker.

„MajorCarter," they heard Teal'c's familiar voice. "O'Neill went with the Simpsons family to the bus station. Apparently; he plans to travel to Colorado Springs. Something must be done immediately."

„Stay on the line, Teal'c," she hurried to answer, then turned to Matt and Daniel, "Is that even possible? I mean, can he leave just like that? In ‚Pleasantville' the street went round and round in a circle!"

She somehow clung to this thought but then Matt destroyed all her hopes.

„Yes, I think it's possible. Homer once has been to Las Vegas and New York, and another time we even sent the Simpsons to Japan, where they were in one of these TV-shows, and remember Bart's travelling to Australia for his apology…"

Sam interrupted him before he could tell about all the other episodes as well. "Then we have to do something! We can't let him go just like that! He can't get onto that bus - no matter what! Please!"

Matt chewed on his pencil. "I think I have an idea."

%%%%%

It was time to say good bye. Jack never had been good at this. When he had to leave his little family to go onto missions he always had left home early in the morning. When Charlie and Sara awoke, he already was out of the country. No opportunity for tears. Of course they had known he needed to leave, but they never had talked about it. Never.

Jack took Maggie on his arm and squeezed her tightly. He put his hand on the top of Lisa's head and playfully punched Bart's shoulder. He hugged Marge a little longer and thanked for her hospitality. Finally he turned to Homer.

„You have a great family there, you know that?" Jack wanted to say more, to tell Homer he should always keep an eye on them, but the other man somewhat distractedly glanced over Jack's shoulder. He was almost drooling and muttering "Mmm, donuts!" Jack had to suppress a smile. Some things just never changed.

It was a big bus station and busses always were coming or going. Jack had gotten out his ticket and was studying it for the umpteenth time, when he suddenly heard Marge cry out.

„Maggie! Oh my God, Maggie!"

Jack abruptly looked up and then into the direction Marge was pointing. There, right before a quickly approaching bus, Maggie was crawling very happily at the street, without realizing the potential danger. The bus was heading straight at her. The driver was sitting way too high, he was not able to see her from his seat.

Jack did not hesitate for one second. He sprinted over and was able to push Maggie out of the way at the last possible moment. Then the bus already was over him. He felt the impact, then nothing.

%%%%%

Sam's anxiety grew as she watched what Matt was hastily drawing. At the same time she listened to Teal'c's report over the phone. She felt suddenly weak, her hand holding the phone fell to her side and then she had to sit.

Suprisingly, she noticed that Daniel and Matt did not seem concerned at all. She didn't understand it. How could they stay so calm when the colonel had been hit by a bus just moments ago and now lay unconscious at the street?

As if Daniel had heard her thoughts, he reassuringly said, „Don't worry, Sam, he soon will feel better." He and Matt grinned at each other. Daniel might not be a Simpsons fan, but as a kid he had watched his fair share of cartoon series. He knew: Whatever happened, the figures never got really hurt.

Their purpose had been to prevent Jack from driving off. And even if it might not have been the smartest way – it definitely was the most effective.

%%%%%

Jack came to, groaning. He was laying at the street – again. This was starting to get old. When he opened his eyes he saw a lot of worried faces. Lisa, Bart, Homer, Marge with Maggie on her arm.

„How do you feel, Jack? Shall we call Dr. Hibbert?" Marge looked thankfully back and forth between Jack and Maggie.

Jack took a moment to consider how he felt. As if a bus had hit him, actually. Hey, but a bus just HAD hit him! He carefully sat up. Shouldn't he have more to show for it than just a few aching bones? And then it dawned on him: He was in a cartoon series. Cartoon figures could fall down from big heights, burn, get beat up or hit by a bus, but they always stood up afterwards. Except when they ate too much Krusty burgers like Homer who had needed a triple by-pass operation afterwards.

Jack finally got up and tried his arms and legs. Nothing broken, no visible injuries. Janet Fraiser must be out of job in this world. When he thought of the Doc Jack remembered why he actually was here. He looked at his watch. Ten minutes till his bus departed.

„I believe this is a sign", Lisa suddenly said. All eyes were focussed on her. "I believe it is a sign that Jack should not leave", she specified.

"Well, it's possible", Marge agreed after a while.

Jack unsurely looked from one to the other. He had never believed in signs. He just wanted to get into this bus and drive to Colorado Springs. If he was lucky there also was an SGC and maybe even a cartoon version of Carter. She would be able to help him to get back home.

Then Jack remembered HIS Carter, the real one. She also would try everything to get him back, she already had proven that a few times. Assuming she knew where he actually was. Maybe she was already working at it right in this moment? Maybe he just had to wait and not screw up her plan? He didn't know what to do. It never had been his forte just to sit around and do nothing.

It was then that he noticed an advertising poster. He stared at it for a long time. He was pretty sure that it hadn't been there just a few minutes ago. He was not able to find any other than the obvious meaning in it: SDT – WE'RE WORKING ON IT. This poster only made sense if Sam and Daniel and Teal'c already were working on a solution.

"Okay," Jack said. "I think I'll stay a little while longer".

%%%%%

When Teal'c repeated this sentence through the phone everybody was cheering. This obstacle was passed, but there already was the next one.

"So, how do we actually tell Jack about the 'gate'?", Daniel asked while the others still were celebrating.

Sam instantly became serious again. Daniel was right, they could not just sent Jack a newspaper with the way to the gate. That would make it too easy for someone else to find!

"I believe I have an idea," she said slowly.

"Me too!" Daniel grinned.

%%%%%

Jack still was staring at the sign when another one right appearing next to it got his attention. A neon-green arrow was blinking and showing just one word: "CHAAPA'AI".

Jack smiled to himself. That was typical for Daniel, always over the top. He followed the arrow with his eyes and suddenly saw the yellow brick road, starting right at his feet and leading into the direction of the arrow.

He whistled appreciative. 'Off to Oz,' he thought. Then he hugged everybody again for good measure, waved a last good-bye and started to hit the road. Luckily they let him go alone and did not try to follow.

The road seemed to meander in all directions before it finally led him out of the town. And it didn't seem to end. Where did Carter sent him? He was sure it must be her idea. She knew how much he loved this movie. Often enough he had tried to confuse some aliens with his quotes.

He just would have to trust her. Hour after hour he walked on till he finally came into a dense forest wood. After another hour he found a little clearing. And in the middle of it indeed stood a Stargate.

%%%%%

While Daniel and Matt were busy with all the drawings Sam had not been idle. By phone she had directed Sergeant Siler who had installed a web camera in O'Neill's house. It was filming everything that happened on his TV screen and broadcasted it during a secured internet line directly to the computer in Matt's office so they were able to follow all the things that happened and, if necessary, could act immediately. Still Teal'c stayed to watch things. Who knew whether the colonel maybe had an overeager cleaning lady who would switch off the TV. In that case he might be trapped in there forever – something Sam did not want to consider at all.

A second line went to the SGC and Sam also was connected by phone with the general, to be able to let him know their next steps.

Luckily O'Neill wouldn't reach the forest for several hours, so Matt had enough time to finish drawing the DHD. Just when he had made the last lines and Daniel nodded approvingly, the colonel set foot at the clearing. Sam exhaled, that had been close. But the rest should be a piece of cake, right?

%%%%%

To be continued in chapter 4/4


	4. Chapter 4

Jack took some time to hide in the shadow of the trees and made sure that nobody had followed him. He really needed no witnesses for his travel home. But everything stayed quiet. It had become dark again and he felt like the last man on Earth.

He shook off the feeling of forlornness and slowly walked up to the Stargate. Soon he would be back home. When he came nearer he also saw the DHD. But it looked a bit odd. At least half of the symbols seemed missing.

Jack stood a while and tried to find the right symbols. Usually he let Carter or Daniel dial out, but of course he also knew the coordinates of Earth. But he had actually memorized their exactly location on the DHD rather than what they looked like. That's why he was a bit confused by this different arrangement.

%%%%%

"What the heck is he waiting for?", Sam murmured.

%%%%%

Jack had finally decided and was about to press the first button when he heard a noise right behind him. Quickly he turned and wished for his weapon. But when he recognized who was standing behind him he relaxed a bit.

There was a man in a dark suit and a red-haired woman wearing a blue suit. The man started to talk: "I'm agent Mulder and this is agent Scully from the FBI. Can you tell us what that thing is?"

%%%%%

„Where did they suddenly come from?", Sam asked flabbergasted.

Matt shrugged apologetically. „They are probably still in the woods since that episode where Mr. Burns started to gleam greenish and Homer thought he had seen an alien… I'm sorry, I had forgotten about it."

%%%%%

For the umpteenth time Jack thought ‚I know' when Mulder was introducing himself. But aloud he said, "Colonel O'Neill, Air Force. – No, sorry, can't do. How did you find it anyway?"

A piercing glance by Mulder. "Sorry, can't say either."

„Well, then. Would you please excuse me?"

But Mulder apparently hadn't finished yet. "Air Force, huh? You're with the guys that experiment with UFOs in Area 51?" Defiantly he blocked Jack's path.

‚If you only knew how right you are', Jack thought, while he remembered his unplanned travel into space together with Teal'c. His brain was whirling, trying to find a way to lose those two nosy guys.

His laughter sounded a bit forced. "UFOs? You've watched too many B-movies."

That was Scully's cue. "This ring is made from an unknown material. I tried to examine it, but it is so hard that I could not get any probe to penetrate it. I've never seen something like this before!"

Jack realized that he could not fool them any longer.

„Okay, I'll admit it's a secret government project." He had Mulder's full attention now. "We work together with the governments of Great Britain, France, Russia and China. It's important for the safety of Earth. You have to believe me!"

He gave them a stern look. "I'm sure there will come the day to reveal it all. Then we can talk as much about it as you want to. But at the moment you have to leave me alone. I ask you to trust me!"

%%%%%

„Matt, do something!"

„What do you think I am trying to do, Daniel?!"

%%%%%

Mulder looked as if he was about to say, „I don't trust anybody than Scully," but she was quicker. "Come on, Mulder, there is nothing for us to do here."

She nodded good-bye to Jack and started to pull the still reluctant Mulder away.

Jack sighed with relief and waited till they had vanished into the woods. He gave a silent 'Thank you' to whomever had helped him to get rid of them. He knew that normally it wouldn't have been as easy. They would at least have asked for his ID.

He turned back to the DHD. Quickly he pressed all seven keys and then the red button in the centre. "Kawoosh" and there was the familiar flush before the event horizon stabilized.

He froze when he suddenly heard a startled gasp behind him. Slowly he turned while cursing inwardly. He should have known that it had been too easy. There was Mulder, staring wide eyed at him.

Jack stared back. He had no clue what to do next.

%%%%%

Matt was cursing inwardly. He should have known that it had been too easy. He shouldn't have underestimated Mulder.

Daniel grabbed a slip of paper and a pencil and started drawing hastily. Everybody else looked astonished what slowly developed under his fingers.

%%%%%

Jack looked frantically around when he saw something lay at the DHD which definitely hadn't been there before. In one fluent motion he bent, took the Zat and fired at Mulder who went down immediately.

"I'm sorry," Jack murmured, meaning it. Then he did not hesitate any longer. He turned, run up the three steps to the Stargate and disappeared into the gate.

Behind him Mulder stirred and dizzily saw how the gate closed. Where was O'Neill? Vanished without a trace. Scully would say he had imagined it.

Nobody would believe him.

As always.

%%%%%

„General, he's coming through now!", Sam yelled into the receiver. They had forgotten to draw a GDO for the colonel, and it was about time to open the iris. Strained she waited till she heard the general say, "He's arrived, major. You did well. You can come back now."

There was much cheering in the little office. Sam was hugging Daniel, then Al and Matt. They really had done it.

„Thank you so much for everything!" Sam looked happily from one to the other. "Sorry that we leave so fast, but we have to go home!"

"It's okay, Sam." Matt was shaking her hand for a very long time. "If you ever need our help again, just give us a call."

"Well, I hope not," Daniel said, and everybody laughed.

%%%%%

„Yes!" Jack threw his arms into the air while he was walking down the ramp. Home sweet home. He was glad to be back in this grey mountain. But why was everybody staring at him? Had he developed a third eye or what?

He looked to the general who was standing in the control room, and gave a salute. But instead of a Welcome-back-speech he only got a "Dr. Fraiser to the Gateroom."

Slowly his hand fell down and when he finally had a good look at his fingers he realized that he still was as yellow as a quince and flat as a flounder. Damn.

%%%%%

Some hours later Daniel and Sam were running into the infirmary. As soon as Daniel had opened the door he stopped, almost letting Sam crash into him. When she finally was in the room as well, she noticed everything at once: The still flat colonel in his bed, Teal'c at a chair at his side, General Hammond and Janet, who just was reporting to him.

"I'm sorry, General, but I have no idea how to treat this!"

Janet sounded resigned, something that didn't happen very often. And that concerned Sam big time.

„How do you feel?", she asked the colonel, who seemed to grow more impatient by the minute.

"Peachy, just peachy, if you don't look at the fact that I could work as a bedside rug at the moment!" O'Neill gave her an irritated glance. "Please don't get me wrong, I am really thankful to you and Daniel that you brought me back home, but didn't you overlook a minor detail?"

Sam's brain was working overtime and Daniel looked the same. Obviously he then said the first thing that came to mind, "How about a tire pump?"

Jack almost was falling out of his bed. "You must be kidding!"

Daniel shrugged and murmured something like, „It usually works in cartoons", but then he was wise enough to drop the topic and asked instead, "What exactly did you do when that… happened?"

Jack thought that it should have been obvious by now, but since Daniel still questioningly looked at him, he sorted it out to him again. "I had been watching the 'Simpsons'".

But Daniel didn't flinch. „And then?"

„And then? Then nothing! When the thunderstorm grew stronger I wanted to switch off the TV. And then just – pitchdark!"

Daniel seemed excited all of a sudden. "A lightning bolt! There must have been a lightning right in the moment when Jack was touching the TV!"

General Hammond looked questioningly to Major Carter, till she finally nodded. "I think it is possible, Sir."

"So we only need to generate a similar lightning strike to bring Jack – uh, back to his originally form."

Janet suddenly had an image of Daniel dancing an African rain dance. Even though she would have loved to actually see that, she said, "I don't think I can take the medical responsibility for that."

"Janet, a lightning bolt usually is totally harmless for a cartoon figure." Daniel was pretty sure about it. Or not?

Jack had looked from one to the other while they were discussing his fate. He decided it was time to say something himself.

"I really don't want to be the first one to find out that it wasn't harmless! And aside from that I don't want to wait for weeks for the next thunderstorm and then go up attached to a kite up at Cheyenne Mountain. Isn't there any other possibility?

Teal'c hadn't said a thing so far. That's why everybody was surprised when he now put his two cents in. "How about a Zat'n'ktel? Its energy is similar to a bolt and yet harmless for a human."

This time General Hammond looked to Dr. Fraiser. Her eyes brightened up. "I think that could work, Sir! Teal'c, could you get a Zat? And I have to ask everybody else to please leave the room."

Soon Teal'c came back with the weapon, and while Daniel, Sam and the General left the infirmary, they heard Jack yelling, "Listen, this time on three!"

Then the door closed and the waiting people only heard a suppressed curse. After five seemingly endless minutes the door re-opened, and when they hastily went back into the room there was the colonel in full live size, complaining, "I said on three! Will you ever learn to count, Teal'c?!"

Teal'c's eyes twinkled in response and suddenly all the tension of the past two days ended in laughing, in which finally also Jack joined in. He knew that only a few minutes ago he must have been quite a sight and was just happy that the whole thing was over now.

But to make sure that really everything was as it should be, he walked over to the little sink in the corner and looked into the mirror. His face had its usual color back, but a slight yellow haze remained. But that surely only was because of the artificial light in here, right? Hopefully Janet would let him out of here soon.

In the spur of a minute he decided, "How about all of you coming over to my place in the evening? We'll do a Simpsons-marathon!"

Expectantly he looked from one to the other, but they did not seem to share his excitement. Till Teal'c deadpanned, "I'm sure it will be an interesting evening. I have taped every minute of your adventure in Springfield."

Jack froze and turned to him, "You haven't!"

And Teal'c, the same Teal'c that never showed any emotion, gave him a full grin.

Sam quickly said, "I'll bring the pizza!"

"And I'm bringing the wine!", Daniel chopped in.

"And I'll make the salad!" Janet wouldn't have want to miss it for the life of her.

General Hammond looked at the revelling group and shook his head. But he had to hide a smile himself. It was indeed the first time he saw Colonel O'Neill speechless. Quietly he made his way back to his desk.

Everything was well again deep down in Cheyenne Mountain.

**Epilog – one week later**

Matt was sitting on his desk and looking at two pictures. One showed a man around fifty in Air Force uniform, who was seriously looking into the camera. The other picture was a drawing of the same man in typical Simpsons style. There also was a short letter. In bold and powerful letters Jack had written:

"Just so that you know whom you helped. I'm following your show for years but never would have thought that our paths would cross one day. I thank you for everything you did to help me going back home. I hope you'll never lose your creativity.

Sincerely,

Colonel Jack O'Neill"

At this moment the door opened, and Al was looking around the frame. As always he seemed full of energy.

"Matt, I have a great idea for a new episode! How about Homer exploring the third dimension?"

Matt looked up from his letter, immediately convinced. Soon the two of them were discussing and drawing, outlining and arguing, just as they had done for years.

And hopefully would continue to do for quite some time.

THE END


End file.
